What is the deeper pattern at play when it comes to perfectionism and the tendency towards wanting things to be "just right" before taking action or moving forward on the path your soul is calling you along? What does "just right" even mean? In this blog post we will dive into the subconscious patterns at play within this perfectionism survival loop.
Imagine you as a child, let's trace it all the way back to infancy. You are a little bumble of awareness bumping around in the world and learning though your caregivers and teachers in this world. What they say you learn as the "ultimate" truth. When you're learning the "truth" through a perspective of the world that is often fear based, it becomes twisted and warped. You slowly learn that doing things "the right way" will get you more love and attention, while doing things "the wrong way" will bring punishment. Many years of this continue, and not just with your caregivers. With teachers, coaches, mentors.
Perfectionism develops in environments where love felt conditional, achievement = identity, mistakes felt unsafe, and criticism was frequent.
The nervous system is learning that in order to receive love and praise, it must do things right enough.
laughing here as I'm typing this, what does right enough even MEAN?
When moving through "getting it wrong" this could look like a parent getting angry or upset or a teacher calling a student out and embarrassing them. The subconscious at such a young age can't see the deeper picture here and internalizes it as "Oh, I must be doing something wrong."
Adaptation always equals safety. The subconscious is always looking to create safety in the body, even with programs that no longer serve us. This creates an operating program of "things must be just right before I can do x,y,z."
Perfectionism creates an impossible standard, and procrastination becomes the nervous system’s escape hatch from the pressure of that impossible standard.
This is a human condition sure, but you're bigger than that. You're more powerful than that. You are soul, a divine spark of God, of the Universe, of all that is. The soul is messy, alive, creative, expansive, powerful. Survival and automatic programming is built in place to protect you. Soul craves expression. Survival wants protection. I want you to ask yourself now (or whip out that journal):
Who taught me mistakes were dangerous?
When did I begin believing my love had to be earned?
What happens inside of me when I imagine failing publicly?
What am I actually afraid would happen if I started before I felt ready?
Healing these perfectionism wounds and demonstrating that you can do things imperfectly is a process. The goal is not perfection, that doesn't exist. the goal is nervous system safety within the imperfection.
Instead of asking how can I do this perfectly? Try, How can I stay connected to myself while doing this imperfectly?
I'm in this with you. And my intention for this chapter of life is freedom from the chains of perfectionism through messy action. Will you join me?
You are Loved.
Colleen
Recently I had the privilege of traveling to Japan for a couple weeks. This country is filled with culture and beauty. Temples and shrines on every corner - illuminating the rich tradition of spirituality and connection with the spirits. The people I met were lovely, and the public transportation was seriously some of the best in the world. Here are some lessons I learned along the way:
Lesson #1: the power of intention.
Each morning, Elliott and I would go to a shrine or temple to pray and connect with the spirits (Kami) of the land.
One intention we held firm: to experience time slowly. In fact - for time to slow down. A day felt like a week - weeks felt like months. Time moved slower because we observed it to be so. This helped us to be present in each experience through the 5 senses.
A powerful intention is like a paintbrush on a blank canvas. The intention guides the flow of energy - as does the brush with paint.
Lesson #2: the power of food gratitude.
In Japan before each meal, the phrase “itadakimasu” is used to show respect for the food. It roughly translates to “I humbly receive this food, or I’m going to enjoy this”. This is an expression of gratitude to everything and everyone who made the food possible. (Chefs, farmers, animals, plant, and even the land itself).
Food is viewed as a living gift from nature, so pausing and connecting before eating really highlights the interconnectivity of everything.
Food also tastes better after an extra dose of gratitude and love. ;)
Lesson #3: the power of connection.
The beauty in traveling is meeting people from all over the world, and understanding more about the culture you are within. Even with a language barrier - connection is formed over shared experiences and builds foundation for deep listening.
We had the luxury of connecting with people from all over the world and it was a privilege to share experiences and laughs together.
Although we are many expressions and fractals of the same source, the individual energy in each person is something extraordinary about this plane of existence. Traveling illuminates this tenfold.
Grateful for the time I spent in Japan and the beautiful connections made along the way.
Where should I go next?
I know I'm not alone in this experience.
Having a million ideas, things to do, and buzzing with excitement around them. (Call it what you want - ADHD, manifesting generator energy, or just straight up being a f*king human being).
Then slowly but surely the feeling of overwhelm creeps in.....
Let’s chat subconscious.
The realm below the surface - the magic dark.
The subconscious mind is the magician behind the scenes, the part of you that works in the background. You know that person who records all the court records during court proceedings? Your subconscious mind is that record keeper for your life....
Read more...Hello soul friends,
Let’s chat about the magic of curiosity.
Interestingly enough - I’ve had some patterns resurfacing that don’t serve my highest good.....
Read more...