What is the deeper pattern at play when it comes to perfectionism and the tendency towards wanting things to be "just right" before taking action or moving forward on the path your soul is calling you along? What does "just right" even mean? In this blog post we will dive into the subconscious patterns at play within this perfectionism survival loop.
Imagine you as a child, let's trace it all the way back to infancy. You are a little bumble of awareness bumping around in the world and learning though your caregivers and teachers in this world. What they say you learn as the "ultimate" truth. When you're learning the "truth" through a perspective of the world that is often fear based, it becomes twisted and warped. You slowly learn that doing things "the right way" will get you more love and attention, while doing things "the wrong way" will bring punishment. Many years of this continue, and not just with your caregivers. With teachers, coaches, mentors.
Perfectionism develops in environments where love felt conditional, achievement = identity, mistakes felt unsafe, and criticism was frequent.
The nervous system is learning that in order to receive love and praise, it must do things right enough.
laughing here as I'm typing this, what does right enough even MEAN?
When moving through "getting it wrong" this could look like a parent getting angry or upset or a teacher calling a student out and embarrassing them. The subconscious at such a young age can't see the deeper picture here and internalizes it as "Oh, I must be doing something wrong."
Adaptation always equals safety. The subconscious is always looking to create safety in the body, even with programs that no longer serve us. This creates an operating program of "things must be just right before I can do x,y,z."
Perfectionism creates an impossible standard, and procrastination becomes the nervous system’s escape hatch from the pressure of that impossible standard.
This is a human condition sure, but you're bigger than that. You're more powerful than that. You are soul, a divine spark of God, of the Universe, of all that is. The soul is messy, alive, creative, expansive, powerful. Survival and automatic programming is built in place to protect you. Soul craves expression. Survival wants protection. I want you to ask yourself now (or whip out that journal):
Who taught me mistakes were dangerous?
When did I begin believing my love had to be earned?
What happens inside of me when I imagine failing publicly?
What am I actually afraid would happen if I started before I felt ready?
Healing these perfectionism wounds and demonstrating that you can do things imperfectly is a process. The goal is not perfection, that doesn't exist. the goal is nervous system safety within the imperfection.
Instead of asking how can I do this perfectly? Try, How can I stay connected to myself while doing this imperfectly?
I'm in this with you. And my intention for this chapter of life is freedom from the chains of perfectionism through messy action. Will you join me?
You are Loved.
Colleen
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